Grande Machine, Skullcranes and Comedy.

Last show of 2009! We will be playing in between American Penetration and Dumpster Juice. This all starts at 9:00 Pm sharp at The Bulldog N.E. Whoever dresses as their favorite Skullcrane gets a free drink and T-shirt. Do it.

1. They Rock
2. Sexy as fuck
3. They rule
4. They roll
5. They smell like old wine
6. Together their brains weigh about 12 pounds
7. They’ve been together so long, they don’t even need to practice…….
8. People just give them money on pay pal
9. They don’t say hi, they just nod
10. You can still buy thier new C.D. (thats a hint geniuses) (www.crustaceanrecords.com)(do it).

Shows coming up:
October 31st (Halloween)@ The Bulldog N.E. with American Penetration and Dumpster Juice
December 12th @ Big V’s with The Von Erichs (Dallas TX) and T.B.A.

Also, in the mean time, check out everyones other bands:

Here they are in alphabetical order,

A Little of the Ready
American Penetration
Dokken
Jake E. Lee
Sawbones
The Ugly Fat Kids

By Rich Horton

Sometimes bands get it terribly right, they know their audience, they know their place as far as the music goes and they know how to rock. The Skullcranes seem to get it, and that formula is working to make them a successful local band who hopefully will go beyond the midwest and create a national stir.Mixing up punk rock attitude with ferocious metal and rock riffs, this band gets to the point, most of the time in just over two minutes and sometimes under two minutes. None of the lyrics are serious and from the first track you can see they don’t mind making fun of white trash upbringings and jean shorts. (It’s probably time to throw mine away).

The first five tracks are balls to the wall and heavy, but when they get to track 6 poignantly titled “Douche” they revert to a fast yet mellower 12 bar blues rhythm. They also take a few shots at some local suburban cities with songs like “Maplewouldn’t” and “Livin’ La Vidanoka”.

If your in to the arty indie stuff that this city seems to be thriving on lately, you probably won’t get into The Skullcranes. If you don’t mind getting drunk on some cheap beers and chanting “Dang, Jessica Lange”, this band will do it for you every time.

Short, to the point, kind of like our songs…..

Punk rock meets dive-bar humor once again as Minneapolis’ The Skullcranes spell out exactly what they want on “Asscashorgrass.”

The Skullcranes
Bias status: Skullcranes fan for more than two years. Their 2006 disc Wt. Trashmore is a remarkably catchy piece of work that crams enough memorable hooks into about 20 minutes to justify listening to it thrice an hour. These cynical bastards effortlessly sum up the simple joys of wearing muscle tees and drinking right out of the can, the hatred of one’s job (combined with the fantasy of wearing nothing but a necktie wrapped around one’s dick), and the difficulty of maintaining the appropriate attitude needed to fit in while walking around Uptown. They do each of these in roughly two minutes. Impressive. Their lack of instant worldwide fame clearly led to the frustration displayed on 2007’s Cum On Feel The Shortbus, with sing-along rants against everything from stop signs to the emo influence in metal to the lack of real change worldwide. Also, giant unflushable shits. However, with the mighty and powerful Madison-based Crustacean Records suddenly coming to their senses, The Skullcranes have recently released Columbia Heights Nights, a full-on full length that does not relent in tempo or melody for longer than any A.D.D. case study would enjoy. What I’m trying to say is that it’s fast and good, like a meth-head’s life. Hyphens. I recently had the privilege of losing my hearing at the Turf Club this past Saturday while witnessing the ‘Cranes opening slot for The Von Ehrics. I say privilege because I doubt there would be anything worth hearing after such an encounter. Hyperbole.

10% Skull. 90% Cranes.
Indent. I forgot how monstrous a live Skullcranes show is. Despite a relatively new drummer (”Beau from The Ugly Fat Kids.” Shout out to Leo.) these four were as tight and together as I have ever seen a band. Impeccable timing and perfect pauses, logical bass dives and efficient alternating leads, the Skullcranes are more machine now than man, twisted by the ways of the dark side. The 45 minute set was absolutely punishing from start to finish, matching the breakneck appeal of their records, and the only true flaws came in the form of technical failures such as unplugged cords, which were as entertaining in their comedic value as the solos themselves. This band is a band. This band is a band. Their nonchalence in demeanor and appearance only serve to lower initial expectations in regards to their virtuosity, which they deliver on magnificently. This band can play. This band cann playy. Did I mention vocal harmonies? Beautiful. Michael Anthony ain’t got shit on these background vocals. These musicians do not need to show off to be showing off, it just comes naturally. I recall bassist Dan “Halen” playing a number of shows in late ‘07 after slicing up his right hand in a buzzsaw incident. Devotion to the craft, no excuses, badass, intimidating. I dare those who read this to commit to such a daunting task, should the unfortunate circumstances arise. I wouldn’t.

Indent. This is not to suggest that technical skill is the selling point of these shows. The best reason to go see the ‘Cranes is to watch the comradery between co-frontmen Jay and Johnson, truly the Axl and Slash of non-douchebags. Each of this pair posesses a smile that is infectious, and watching one instigate the other’s through an ad-lib or a pose is like being let in on an inside joke you’ve missed out on for years. It’s impossible to describe the relief that comes with seeing a good band and realizing that these are not “professionals” thrown together by Rick Rubin or Malcolm McLaren in an attempt to craft the perfect group, but instead a gang of FRIENDS who actually GET ALONG. Holy shit, revolutionary. Without a hint of irony I would like to say that if you go see a Skullcranes show, you will feel the love. These guys are having the time of their lives up there, and that translates in a way that Tom Morello and Chris Cornell will never understand. It’s a feeling that makes you root for these guys, that makes you want to be on their side no matter who the opponent is. Then again, I’m biased.

Indent. So, can we sum this up? The Skullcranes are fast, loud, talented, experienced, humorous, tight-knit, entertaining, memorable, approachable, and most importantly, fun. Leave your question marks at home, because you cannot ask for more. Their live DVD taping is Friday August 21st at the Triple Rock, and if I don’t see you there, I’ll have to assume it’s because I don’t know what you look like.

www.myspace.com/skullcranes

www.crustaceanrecords.com

It’s true.

Tonight at The Bulldog in Uptown there will be free booze, free food and free music. The Food goes until 7:00P.M. Then comes the rock. One set by The Skullcranes, then, Dan and Johnsons dirty little secret “American Penetration” aka “Testacle” plays a set then another by The Skullcranes. All of these Wednesday activities will be wrapped up by 11:30 so you can get that much needed rest.

Again, Free food, free music and free beer/rail drinks. (not sure how long the drink special lasts, 5-6 maybe?) Hey man, we can’t do everthing.

SKULLCRANES, THE:
Columbia Heights Nights: CD
Humorcore punkers, The Skullcranes, barrel out of the starting gate. With galloping garage punk rhythms and solid beats, the album revolves around beer, being broke, and smoking herb. “Douche” throws in a banjo as a comical oddity to bridge verses, but “Jessica Lange,” who they have an unexplainable crush on, is my favorite track, hands down. Funny stuff for those who like to laugh while they’re circling the pit. Recommended. –Kristen K (Crustacean)

…whatever

Long time no chat. How have you been? We should really keep in touch a little more than this. How was that thing you had to do? Good to hear, it could have been alot worse. Have you lost weight? You look good. We like your hair. Sure is a nice day.

Having that out of the way, after a brief “off again” it’s “on again”.

First of all, our new record “Columbia Heights Nights” is available everywhere. If you buy the physical record on line, do it from www.crustaceanrecords.com. The physical record has a bonus track on it compared to the downloadable version. We do a cover of Pink Floyd’s “Mother”. You can also find it at music stores across the midwest. If you don’t care about the “bonus track” and are afraid of the sun, you can get it online at your favorite online music store.

Second……Gigs. We got gigs man.
7/16 Oshkosh
7/17 Madison
7/18 St Paul
7/22 Minneapolis
8/21 Minneapolis
9/24 Lawrence
9/25 Lincoln
9/26 Omaha

Check out the calender on our website and myspace for more info.

In other news, The Skullcranes will be shooting a video for “What are all the punk bands gonna sing about now” in September. Again, if nothing else, to immortalize the fact that we oooz sensuality and are sharp dressers.

Also, Our show at The Triple Rock (20 Dollar Love C.D. Release party 8/21) will be made into a DVD for future visual and audio pleasures.

Columbia Heights got a SONIC by the way.

Allright I think that is it for now. For all you people in Minneapolis/St Paul Metropolitan Area, we need to see you at The Turf Club on Saturday 7/18. Do it, we need you. Besides, summer is half over, and you know what happens when The Skullcranes play in the winter…..Ice, Cold, Snow, Wind., Shitty with a chance of Really Shitty.

-Word.

Ah, yes.

The last few weeks has been a blurry blast emphasized the word blurry. Shows, parties, roadtrips, parties, cold and warm beer, whiskey, jag shots, mmm, coffee, gas station food, pulled pork, coolers of beer, beef jerky, holy shit beer. In other words, lots of fun.

Thanks to all of you who came ot to see us play at the Frequency, The Stones Throw and The Club Underground. Oh, and thanks for buying our new C.D. We hope it hasn’t graduated to “coaster” yet. We usually like that to take 3 to 4 weeks.

We have a slew of shows coming up this summer so check the our schedule often as new shows will be added here and there. Currently we will be in Wausau, Madison, Oshkosh, Lawrence, Lincoln, Omaha, St Paul and Minneapolis; with other trips planned later in the year to Chicago and Rockford.

Check us out on Madison radio station WORT on a program called “Charlie Don’t Surf”.

http://www.msplinks.com/http://archive.wort-fm.org/ (then hit Friday on my mind)