Hey 100 year old lotto player,

O.K. you are old. I can sense it in the air of the very small “convienience” store that I hit every morning. See, I have a sixth sense in the form of an overwhelming blast of hopelessness, depression and….whats the word…..ah yes, fuckthisness(1), that hits me like a kick in the head and lets me know the whole day is fucked. Sort of like walking in the metrodome when the conditions are right for that blast of air. 

So, you can’t pick a better time to complete your daily lotto fix? You have to do it at 7:30 in morning when I am behind you in line and the 20 other people are behind me. Nice. That is great planning. I am just gonna assume that you gotta be back at home at 8:00 in the morning for nap time so you can be fresh for Peoples Court at 12:00?

I know you can probably think of 50 reasons why I should be greatful to you for “living through the depression” or “fighting for suffrage” or “helping defeat the british at New Orleans” but don’t bother, you probably won’t live past reason number 25. Because you are that old.

However, I have a few suggestions.

#1- That is a check out counter, not a scratch off counter. Fuck you and your little grey mess.

#2- Dude (or lady), please fill out your number card at home. Christ, you have all day. I probably won’t kill you but I can’t speak for the 20 people behind me.

#3- Stand like a normal person. What is this “ass up in the air” shit? One elbow on the counter, one knee touching the wall and your ASS way up in the air! What the fuck, is that some sort of hip thing? Do you have one old John-Deere hip and the other one is made by fucking Lockheed-Martin or something? Some sort of fucking SUPER-HIP designed by clones of Werner Von Braun, put together using Roswell wreakage and tested by fucking Chuck Yeager?

#4- What? Did you just tell me to speak up because you can’t hear me? Ahhhh Fuck it.

(1)-fuckthisness (fuk-this-nis) noun: A real word pertaining to the overwhelming feeling of fuckitidontevencareanymorethisisbullshit.