http://www.rockandrollconfidential.com/archives/archives_douchebag.php

Hey coffee shop owner,

If the current climate of violence in our great nation continues to escalate to the point of  it being normalcy, get ready to be the star  of some random cable t.v. show showcasing violence and reality caught on tape unless you do this:

Between the hours of 7:00 A.M. and 9:30 A.M.:

Two seperate lines:

1> I just want a cup of coffee.

2> I’m a douche i don’t even like coffee but I love chocolate, whip cream, caramel and sprinkles. Besides, I got nowhere to be.

Dan Halen, Danimal, Dankato, Dantastic, Danlicious, BatDan, SuperDan, Captain CaveDan, AquaDan, Dantasia, Dankake, Dancakes, Good Dan Hunting, Los Dangeles…

 Am I missing any?

Hey Sylvester Stallone,

Come on dude……

 I got two words for you. Weekend.

Also,

The Daily Show- MONDAY thru FRIDAY?

The Daily Bread- Who eats bread everyday?

The Daily Californian- Independent student online newspaper for the University of California at Berkeley. Yeah, Berkeley. LAST UPDATED 12/14! Who’s smart now?

John Daly(pronounced DAILY)- Overweight, ciggarette smoking, amphetamine addicted, alcoholic, red meat eating golfer. Need I say more?

Burn.

Hey Johnson,

Don’t call it a “Daily Diatribe” unless you do it daily. Jerk.

Here’s a little ditty we cooked up for you; and yes, we’ll be performing this on Saturday at the Xmas show.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1318371380

Hey Liz,

I saw your new “holiday commercial” for your perfume. It’s all fuzzy and black and white. Nice try. Maybe you should stay out of your commercials. What is your purpose? Are you trying to get all the old dudes who remember you being hot back in the 1600’s to buy this shit for their aging spouses? I’m pretty sure at this point it dosen’t matter anymore. I know that when I am 145 years old, the last thing I will be worrying about is how nice the person sitting next to me smells. More than likely, I will be more concerned about fighting off the Grim Reaper and his gang of 1981 Datsun Hatchbacks with my “white robe of invisibility” and my “lazer equipped blue blockers” I picked up the last time I floated down to Al Zheimers’ Corner Market. Two words for you. Barry Sanders.

A big THANKS to all who came out for our release at the Uptown last Saturday!

Come on out to Big V’s THIS Saturday for our last show of the year, and a night of Xmas revelry! We have the pleasure of opening up the night for 20 Dollar Love, The Rockford Mules, Tonnage, and another visit from our favorite Madison band, Droids Attack! Doors @ 9pm!!!

xoxo

the skullcranes

So, even if we’re old and crotchety, the kids still think we’re cool. My niece and nephews “modified” this pic and made them into t-shirts. They’re my heroes.

“Child Friendly”!!! I’ve always thought that the next album should be a children’s album; we can use material from Johnson’s Daily Diatribe (except F-bomb free… ya know, for the kids.).